Being friendly and
open on dates is good, but don’t cross the line of telling potential partners
too much, too soon
Privacy isn’t the most valued character trait nowadays. Twitter, Facebook, checking in on your smart-phone for every lunch, bar and shopping trip – basically, letting everyone know everything has become second nature.
And as a general rule, this has many plus points. You can feel closer to friends you don’t have the time or energy to see face-to-face, you can get tips on good new places to hang out, you can spy on people’s wardrobes.
But as with most rules, there are some exceptions. And in the case of sharing - or, dare we say it, ‘over-sharing’ – dating is this exception.
It’s not without good reason that throughout history the ‘mystery’ man or woman flickers our flame of intrigue. Think of the dark brooding Mr Darcy of Jane Austen times, or that girl Peter Andre wanted to get close to in 1996. Sure, they had water-drenched white shirts and waterfall-filled music videos on their side, but the attraction went much deeper than that; namely that we always like the thrill of the chase.
So when you meet a potential new partner, how do you keep your secretive allure and make sure they’re chasing you, rather than you chasing them away with information overload…?
Privacy isn’t the most valued character trait nowadays. Twitter, Facebook, checking in on your smart-phone for every lunch, bar and shopping trip – basically, letting everyone know everything has become second nature.
And as a general rule, this has many plus points. You can feel closer to friends you don’t have the time or energy to see face-to-face, you can get tips on good new places to hang out, you can spy on people’s wardrobes.
But as with most rules, there are some exceptions. And in the case of sharing - or, dare we say it, ‘over-sharing’ – dating is this exception.
It’s not without good reason that throughout history the ‘mystery’ man or woman flickers our flame of intrigue. Think of the dark brooding Mr Darcy of Jane Austen times, or that girl Peter Andre wanted to get close to in 1996. Sure, they had water-drenched white shirts and waterfall-filled music videos on their side, but the attraction went much deeper than that; namely that we always like the thrill of the chase.
So when you meet a potential new partner, how do you keep your secretive allure and make sure they’re chasing you, rather than you chasing them away with information overload…?
Anti-social media
One little name-search of your upcoming date is normal, isn’t it? Surely following each other on Facebook or Twitter can’t do any harm either? Hang on, forget doing harm, it’s actually doing good, right? Surely you both need to check each other out, making sure you’re both normal/ human/ take a nice holiday snap…? Stop! Step back! If you agreed to a first date in the first place, chances are, you’ve scoped out a little bit about each other – and a little bit is all you need until you actually meet. Think about it. If things don’t work out with this person, will you really be pleased you shared the ins and outs of your whole life with them? Probably not.
Don’t pre-date
With work, friends and general life chores, it can often be a few weeks between you clicking someone you like online and actually meeting face-to-face. Staying in touch with a few messages or texts in this limbo period is fine, but be careful not to over-communicate. By sending 20 texts a day, you can develop false intimacy, thinking you know someone better than you actually do. So keep pre-date contact to a minimum and remember if you’ve told them everything before you actually meet, what will there be left to talk about..? If waiting to meet one certain date becomes too hard, distract yourself by contacting someone else’s profile you like!
Ask questions
If, like most normal people, you get nervous on first dates, it’s very easy to want to fill awkward silences with a tsunami of noise. Any conversational void gets bombarded with a rush of facts about anything and everything that springs to mind; your bus journey there, your planned bus journey back, what you had for lunch. Being chatty is obviously a good thing, but if it veers into ‘telling everyone absolutely everything’ territory, then be wary. You don’t want your date to be so over-whelmed by the minutiae of your life, they can’t see the bigger picture about you. So instead, try filling those agonising pauses with questions about the other person. Putting them in the hot-spot instead means you seem cool, calm and collected.
Remember your friends
It’s sod’s law that on the day of your date, your boss is off sick, the train breaks down, and the man in the sandwich shop gives you mustard not mayonnaise. But however flustered all this makes you feel, refrain from telling your date. Much as sympathy is an admirable quality in someone, you don’t need to test out your date’s levels right from the start. Call your best mate instead, unload your problems to them, then arrive at your date seeming bright, confident and problem-free.
One little name-search of your upcoming date is normal, isn’t it? Surely following each other on Facebook or Twitter can’t do any harm either? Hang on, forget doing harm, it’s actually doing good, right? Surely you both need to check each other out, making sure you’re both normal/ human/ take a nice holiday snap…? Stop! Step back! If you agreed to a first date in the first place, chances are, you’ve scoped out a little bit about each other – and a little bit is all you need until you actually meet. Think about it. If things don’t work out with this person, will you really be pleased you shared the ins and outs of your whole life with them? Probably not.
Don’t pre-date
With work, friends and general life chores, it can often be a few weeks between you clicking someone you like online and actually meeting face-to-face. Staying in touch with a few messages or texts in this limbo period is fine, but be careful not to over-communicate. By sending 20 texts a day, you can develop false intimacy, thinking you know someone better than you actually do. So keep pre-date contact to a minimum and remember if you’ve told them everything before you actually meet, what will there be left to talk about..? If waiting to meet one certain date becomes too hard, distract yourself by contacting someone else’s profile you like!
Ask questions
If, like most normal people, you get nervous on first dates, it’s very easy to want to fill awkward silences with a tsunami of noise. Any conversational void gets bombarded with a rush of facts about anything and everything that springs to mind; your bus journey there, your planned bus journey back, what you had for lunch. Being chatty is obviously a good thing, but if it veers into ‘telling everyone absolutely everything’ territory, then be wary. You don’t want your date to be so over-whelmed by the minutiae of your life, they can’t see the bigger picture about you. So instead, try filling those agonising pauses with questions about the other person. Putting them in the hot-spot instead means you seem cool, calm and collected.
Remember your friends
It’s sod’s law that on the day of your date, your boss is off sick, the train breaks down, and the man in the sandwich shop gives you mustard not mayonnaise. But however flustered all this makes you feel, refrain from telling your date. Much as sympathy is an admirable quality in someone, you don’t need to test out your date’s levels right from the start. Call your best mate instead, unload your problems to them, then arrive at your date seeming bright, confident and problem-free.
Source:
Macch.com
No comments:
Post a Comment