By: Ada
Efosa is very sensitive and tries hard to please Onome, but when there's
a problem that needs to be dealt with, he seems ignorant. When she asks for
input on a decision, he says, "It's up to you." He wants to be nice
but he doesn't realize he's frustrating her.I understand why Efosa is unsure of
his role. Like a lot of men these days. Every few years, the media tells us new
ideas about what a man should be and they even advice that men need to develop
their feminine side.
However, I've heard that married men advise younger men that the key to
a happy marriage is: "Yes, dear." I've received emails filled with
jokes that ridicule men -- like what's the difference between a man and fine
wine? Wine matures. On television, we've gone from Father Knows Best, where the
father was a wise caring man who could do no wrong, to a man who can do nothing
right. Does he actually influence what people think a man should be?
With so many confusing ideas, I started looking for insight on what a
man should be in a relationship. I read books on marriage. They didn't say
anything to me; even the Christian books I read had a lot of wisdom, but I was
looking for more advice on what a man should be.
Then I went to the origin of men. I started with Adam -- the first man
in the world who was in a relationship. Adam was alone. He wanted a wife. He
asked God for a wife and God created Eve to be a helper opposing him or a
helper against him (Genesis, 2:18).
Here are five lessons on
what a man in a relationship should be:
Lesson #1: Take responsibility
Learn from Adam. Don't do things you know are wrong and then blame
others. If you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions. One of the
meanings of the word "husband" is someone who skillfully manages his
household. A manager takes responsibility. As Adam experienced, there is little
sympathy for a man who blames a woman for something that has gone wrong. He's
often still held responsible. People will ask him, "Why did you let it go
on?" A man has to look at himself and see how he can change his own
actions to properly handle similar situations.
Lesson #2: Show Control
If a man wants to be seen as worthy and have a good relationship with a
woman, he has to show leadership. When he sees a situation that needs to be
dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step
forward to handle difficult situations. We don't admire those who stand back
and wait for others to solve the problem.
Some men avoid taking the lead because they don't want to be criticized.
They think they're playing it safe. A man should say, "I'll handle
it," and take the initiative to find solutions. If he's not sure what the
solution is, do what other leaders do -- consult the many sources of
information available.
Lesson #3: Make decisions
One of the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive. A
man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. If he's
reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him. Part of making decisions is
understanding the other person's views and being flexible. She doesn't want
someone controlling her, but she also doesn't want someone who leaves every
decision to her. A man who is afraid of making a wrong decision should ask
himself: Who should make decisions? -- Someone who isn't afraid of making
mistakes.
Lesson #4: Be strong
Someone who can control his anger is better than a physically strong man
who can conquer a city. Blowing up in anger can seriously damage a
relationship. If a man thinks he can't control his anger, he should imagine
being angry at someone, the telephone rings and it's his boss. Would he calm
down? Of course, or he'd lose his job. Not getting angry doesn't mean he
accepts bad treatment; he calmly sets limits on the treatment he accepts from
others.
Lesson #5: Be manly
Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the
positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one's convictions, confidence,
self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A
man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger
without backing away despite his fear.
To women: ask your husband to read this. To men: If after years of reading
books you haven't heard these ideas before, ask your wife if this is what she
wants. You may be surprised at her response.
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