I AM MARRIED BUT I AM IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN.

           

I am a married woman in my mid forties with four grown-up children. I live in a tastefully furnished duplex in Festac, Lagos. I have a wonderful job, nice friends and a fantastic husband In fact you can say that my husband is the world's sweetest person, I am deeply fond of him and I praise him for being really good to me. We have a strong bond and are good partners, although I sometimes feel it's very practical. And he has always been the one who has been crazy about me, not the other way but I have never felt a strong sexual attraction towards him, neither have I ever felt "crazy" in love with him.

The trouble is I am in love with another man. He blew off my feet. Although I am a highly moral person and I never even considered looking at other men. Nevertheless, this person caught my attention and I have never ever felt so attracted to a person in my whole life. It was like everything was perfect; we fit like a hand in a glove in every way. He really makes me shine and he loves the deepest parts of me. I feel so relaxed and well with him. I am deeply in love with him.

Please don’t judge me but try and understand how the festac life is, most times my husband is hardly ever around and I find myself in a big house and all alone. I used to work with him but he is now working elsewhere. He and I hit it off immediately when we met two years ago. I loved his personality, wit, humour, looks, the whole lot. The physical attraction and chemistry was immense and always is whenever I see him (which hasn't been for six months). He is also married with young children but has told me he is unhappy. Things came to a head a year ago when we shared a kiss and told of our feelings for each other. However, since then he has barely spoken to me.

On one occasion, after he had drunk a fair bit of alcohol, he told me he loved me, and that I was everything he wanted, but he couldn't leave his kids. I haven't seen him since. When I contacted him shortly after this conversation he told me I shouldn't take it to heart.

I have been grieving for so long for this man. He called me a month ago, and asked me out to lunch. I was on a complete high for days but then he cancelled an hour before we were due to meet. I rearranged, then he cancelled again.

I know that whatever we had is over. But how do I move on? Every minute of every day I think of him. I check my cell phone obsessively. My poor husband has no idea. He just thinks I am depressed and tries to cheer me up as best he can. I love my husband, he is one in a million. But I confess to feeling bored. I need some passion and excitement, and I thought I had found it with this man. I am ashamed to admit, I did want an affair.

Can you offer me any words of advice or comfort? What should I do?