I really miss sex and intimacy

      By: Ada
                               

Hi guys. I have been single for 3 months now from a year and a half relationship. At the moment I feel really sad and miss sex and intimacy with...  but generally with someone I love. It's a beautiful feeling. When I think of it or something triggers sexual thoughts I get quite horny and think of my ex (he was absolutely gorgeous and fit) but it makes me really sad. It's automatic for me to have him come to my mind. Because I cannot think of anyone else whom I love and am so attracted too.

Yeh I could sleep with someone but I really don't want to because its not my ex :'( I have tried to masturbate, only once since the break up and I cried because he came to my mind... I have tried to think of a "hot guy" or a hot celebrity but I just CAN'T. I wish I was with someone I loved and had that amazing feeling every time I get horny. Which I realize and makes me really sad :'( that now someone else will be having him... :'( 

The though, when I think about how I want to be back with him so much, he wasn't even that great in the bedroom. For the first 8 months or so, even while he still lived at his mums, we had sex LOADS!! We would flirt text, flirt face to face, feel each other and tease each other in the car etc. 

After this time things changed, I really feel sad thinking about this too as I think sex and intimacy is important in a relationship, well he always had rough hands and sometimes Sharp nails...which as u know can hurt. He hardly ever fingered me, didn't listen to me when I said "do this instead" or corrected his techniques and things, he did say for that session and then its like he forgot after that.... He went down on me once a month or so, never experimented, I always tried to get him to talk about what we can do to spice things up, hardly said things like "I love your bum in that..." etc.... didn't really flirt, hardly EVER took time to pleasure just me without expecting something back.

I was SO unsatisfied! I don't think he was that experienced at all.... I mean he didn't even kiss me on  body where he knew I LOVED and told him this many times.... he just forgot.... He comes across as selfish through this post, but I think he was just a bit... stupid... and it annoyed me.... and I told him lots of times that we need to make more time and do more things and he always said yes but it didn't happen, quite often I would say something flirty and he would giggle about it and that then straight away change the subject and say "oh I'm Sooo tired today..." like he thinks I expected sex and he didn't want to so he would say that... it hurt actually coz it was quite often he would say that... 

Well thinking of these things about him makes me sad that he wasn’t that good/didn't take time for the sexual side of our relationship, he always said I was attractive and gorgeous so he was still attracted to me. I don't know why I feel so sad when I think of all the times he didn't want to have sex, or do things to me I don’t know, it means a lot to me to be close to someone I love it for THAT reason! I'm not some ugly girl, I'm very loving, attractive and can be very dirty as well as very sensual in bed. 

I don't know I just get really sad thinking about sex but I don't understand why :' How do I get over the sadness when am feeling horny and I don't have someone I love with me to share it with, I just don't want to feel horny or have any sexual thoughts for a long time now as it just makes me sad and miss him/love 

…………………………..I THINK I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX AND I AM SO LONELY.