By: Tanika Jones
Many women dream of that
special day. You know the one, where all of the attention is on her in that
gorgeous white dress. The flowers, the decorations, the fancy cars and let’s
not forget, her Prince Charming.
Most women have an idea of
what age they will be when Mr. Right asks her to spend the rest of her life
with him. She has the colors picked out, the ideal season, the wedding party
and even the guest list! To many women, the wedding day is the turning point in
her life that will lead to her happily ever after. Many of us have focused
(let’s be honest) so much time and thought on the wedding and the marriage that
we have never spent enough time and energy on the most important
part”...preparing to become a wife!
I too used to get excited
about getting married, having a family and living the fairy tale princess life.
But then it happened; reality hit me smack in the face. I started paying
attention to women who were already wives. I quickly noticed that marriage
takes work! I am talking about 24/7/365 work! The great thing about the marital
covenant is that when you give it your all, you can live “happily ever after”!
As a woman involved in a
courtship, I have obtained the counsel of women that have been married for 10+
years. I ask two questions that I believe will help prepare me to be the best
wife that I can be. The first question is, “What are some things that you wish
you would have done to prepare for marriage differently?” The other question is, “What
advice would you give that would help me to be the wife that God calls women to
be?” I
have received great wisdom and advice from Godly women who have been married
for close to 40 years! I would like to share that advice with other single
women.
1. Develop an intimate relationship with God. You cannot enter into a successful
covenant with a husband if you don’t first have one with God. Seek biblical
wisdom, study the word, develop a life of prayer and be dedicated to living for
God. This will strengthen the marriage covenant when God allows you to walk
into that season. A three-cord strand is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
2. Master the art of fidelity and trust. No man wants a woman that cannot be
faithful nor one that turns her neck at every fine man that she sees. Learn to
100% committed prior to a serious courtship. Be happy with what God has blessed
you with and cultivate your relationship. It is also important to be a woman of
your word. If you promise to do something, be sure to do it!
3. Develop the ability to take care of a home. Ladies, in order to be a great partner in
marriage, we must bring the ability to emotionally and physically take care of
the house. Learn to set a atmosphere of peace and love. Avoid quarrels when
possible. Practice gentleness with others that cross your path.
4. Learn how to cook! My mother once told me that a woman that
cannot cook is not cute! We know that men like to eat. Let’s be serious here.
We all need to eat to live. Eating out all of the time can become expensive and
who doesn’t love a home-cooked meal from time to time. If you cannot do
anything beyond boil water, invest in a cookbook. Try one new meal a week and
you will quickly improve your cooking skills.
5. Make smart financial decisions. If you desire to marry a man that
provides and makes the best decisions for his family, you need to do the same.
Smart men don’t want to marry a woman that spends way more than she saves. Work
on your budget and be sure to have an emergency fund that covers 3-6 months on
expenses along with retirement savings. Preparing for tomorrow is important.
The ability to manage money is important in marriage.
6. Be complete as one. Be comfortable with not having a man in
this season. Learn to be happy on your own. Find joy in those things that make
you happy. Love what you have and don’t covet what others have. Spend time in
your singleness doing the things that you love to do. Travel, find hobbies and
do the things that married women tell you that you won’t have time to do when
you get married and then become a mother.
7. Learn the art of compromise. Marriage will be about give and take.
While you are single, learn that you don’t always have to be right and accept
that most things will not always happen your way. Be willing to sacrifice what
you want for the benefit and happiness of others. Wives have to compromise many
things. The earlier we learn to compromise, the better off we will be in
marriage.
8. Be committed to pursuing your dreams and
supporting others. It is important to have your own goals
and motivations prior to becoming one with your future husbands. The single
season is a great opportunity to begin building your career, business or
working towards other goals. Learn how to support family and friends in their endeavors
as well. When you become a wife, you will have to support your husband’s
dreams, possibly at the expense of yours. You must me ok with this level of
sacrifice and compromise prior to committing to marriage.
9. Know what submission is and be ready to
walk in it. Many
people shy way from this discussion. Submission is not equivalent to obedience.
Submission is yielding in love. Study God’s design for marriage and understand
the role of a wife. In your singleness, God is your husband. Submit yourself to
Him. Trust His plan and timing for your life. Seek His guidance in all that you
do. Practicing submission now will be the driving force to it being second
nature to you once you become a wife.
10. Be holy and feminine in your conduct. Always carry yourself as a classy woman
who walks with confidence. Men want a woman they are proud to take home to
their families. They want a woman with high self-esteem, one who walks
gracefully, respects herself and others around her.
Marriage is a sacred bond
between God, man and woman. This is a great starting list to help single women
prepare.
Whether you are single or married, share with
us any other advice that can help women (and men too) prepare for a successful
and lifelong marriage.
Tanika Jones is a marketing professional, aspiring Christian author, and a student at Rhema Correspondence Bible School. She is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Armed Magazine, a Christian magazine created to “Spiritually Equip You for Victory in Battle.”
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