While most relationships begin with romantic
hopes and promises of togetherness, time is unkind to many of them. Partners
fall out over priorities, cheat on each other or simply drift away. The saddest
part is that usually things can be worked out if issues are recognized and
acknowledged early. So before it is too late look out for these ten signs which
could indicate that your relationship is in trouble.
- You
no longer hurry home
Remember the time when you just couldn’t wait to
meet your partner at the end of the day. You would count the hours and minutes
before you could rush home to your love. But when things begin to go wrong, you
may find your partner or yourself delaying coming back as much as possible.
Either of you are likely to dawdle over the last assignment at work or join
your co-workers for a drink. It is almost like you can’t face him or her or the
prospect that there is nothing to look forward to in this relationship.
2. You don’t spend time
together
One of the surest signs of trouble in a
relationship is the lack of quality time spent with each other. Shared
activities and interests are what act as a glue in a relationship once the
first flush of romance is over. But if you find yourself no longer going out or
planning activities with your partner, it is a red flag. Initially this may be
masked in the form of overtime at work or unavoidable lunches with family or
friends. However with time, even the façade of other commitments may fall off
and you realize that you simply don’t want to each other anymore.
3. You're not having as much
sex as before
While sex is not the most important part of a
relationship, not having it at all can signal an underlying problem. It is bad
enough when one partner wants to make love while the other doesn’t. But even
when both partners are alright with no sex, it indicates a loss of intimacy
which cannot be healthy for a relationship. Lack of sex is not usually a cause
in itself but a symptom of other issues wrecking a relationship like
infidelity, differing priorities, insensitivity of one partner to another or
health issues.
4. You fight over money
Together with sex, money ranks as among the top
reasons why spouses go for a divorce. Not having enough money, different
attitudes to saving and conflicting spending priorities can push a couple away
from each other. Here once again fights over money can indicate other issues
troubling a relationship. Your husband may not approve of your present
traveling job and he may use your expenses as an excuse to mask his
displeasure. Or your girlfriend may not like your friends and thus throw a fit
when you decide to spend on hiking gear since she knows this means you are
planning a trip with them.
5. You make separate plans
Being in a relationship means staying clued to
your partner’s wishes, whether in the short or long run. If you find
yourself making plans for shopping or meeting friends which does not include
your partner, it means there is a disconnect between you two. At the same time
he/she may announce a desire for a weekend getaway knowing full well that you
have an important presentation on Monday. When two people are in love, it does
not mean that they always want to do the same things, but they give and take a
little which ensures that they are in tune with each other. Whereas falling out
of love makes couples disregard each other’s priorities and eggs them on to go
alone.
6. There is more intolerance
Small quirks in each other which you may have
found endearing at the beginning of your relationship may seem much more
annoying now. This is because while couples are more understanding of each
other when in love, they find it difficult to accept any imperfections, however
little, as love wears away. So if your partner loved your way of whistling
while you made coffee every morning, now the same action is enough to make
him/her fly into a rage.
- He/she
makes disparaging remarks about your family
No matter how imperfect parents are, family is
one area which demands respect in a relationship. You would never dream of
beginning a relationship with a person who is disrespectful towards the people
who brought you up. However when a couple cease to love each other, there may
be snide remarks and sarcastic comments on families and by extension on
particular ethnic, racial or religious backgrounds. This is as sure a sign as
any that your partner no longer cares what you think of him/her and is likely
to end the relationship.
- Your
partner embarrasses/criticizes you before company
This is yet another indication that your partner
has ceased to respect you as a person and couldn’t care less about your
feelings of humiliation and anger. This attitude may take different forms like
flirting with someone else in your full view, ignoring your input in a
conversation or putting you down before everybody else. Whatever the particular
form of expression, public humiliation is one of the surest ways of telling
that this is over.
- Your
fight about everything
Every couple has a fight now and then. But if
the periods when you are mad at your partner are longer than when you are OK,
it means you both have a problem in your hands. Often there is no rhyme or
reason to your fights. Any excuse will do as long as it is a way of venting
your anger and frustration at each other.
- You
no longer talk about the future
Time was when you both would eagerly discuss
where to buy a house, what places to go vacationing or even when to have kids.
But when two people no longer share the same dreams or even talk about them, it
is definite sign that each is going his/her own way.
Ups and downs are normal phases in every
relationship. The trick is to recognize the valleys before it is too late and
prevent them from pulling your relationship downhill.
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